Critique zip: My Inner Life
by IvoryVinyl
Summary: The Critique zip crew look at the story My Inner Life. Think My Immortal meets Inception with the charm of neither.


Transcriber's Note: This is not part of the main story. You can read the main story without reading this, and you don't have to read the main story to enjoy this either. Summary: IvoryVinyl is trapped in a basement with two robots, R. Tomashun and his sister R. Silica. They are forced by R.O.B. for the NES to read bad fanfiction. This is the story of when their transmission to R.O.B. was intercepted and were forced by someone else to read the story My Inner Life.

* * *

**(Laptop beeps)**

**IvoryVinyl: (To R. Tomashun and R. Silica) Wake up, guys. R.O.B. has something for us.**

**R. Silica: Seriously? It's five in the morning.**

**R. Tomashun: Five more minutes, Mom.**

**(Ivory presses button on laptop)**

**Suited Man: (On screen) Hello, everyone.**

**Ivory: Hey! What did you do to R.O.B.?**

**Man: Your Robotic Operating Buddy has been malfunctioning lately, so we decided to put him in Maintenance. You can call me Rob if you want.**

**Sil: So that means no fanfiction, right?**

**Rob: Oh no. We still have story time for you kiddies. However, this one is not as good as the ones daddy read to you.**

**Ivory: Are you sure about that?**

**Rob: Oh yes. I'm sure. This one is called My Inner Life. It's a story based on lucid dreams and written by a crazy lady who really likes Link. You'll find out exactly how much.**

**(Rob presses button.)**

**Tom: (Half asleep) Are we having pancakes this morning?**

**(Alarm)**

**All: We got story sign!**

* * *

_Author's notes: Hello._

**All: Hello!**

_Thanks for choosing to read my story. _

**Tom: Did we buy this story?**

_As you might know I have become a major Zelda fan in the last year._

**Sil: "My parents never forgave me since."**

_Ever since I played OoT I have grown a fond interest in Link._

**Ivory: Take cover. It's one of those stories.**

_I started to notice that after I got really into it, I found that I have a strange gift._

**Tom: A valentine made out of peanut butter.**

_A gift to Lucid Dream._

**Sil: I think she meant, "A gift to wet lucid dream."**

_I started having dreams about Hyrule, and about Link. In a Lucid Dream you can control your dreams._

**Ivory: Well, that depends on how lucid the dream is. Some people have a very faint sense of realizing they are in a dream, and others-**

**Sil: It's not worth it, Ivory.**

_The dreams became very real, kinda like a second life,_

**Tom: Well if you wanted a Second Life, you could have just signed up.**

_and almost every night I would have another._

**Ivory: Oliver Twist is offended by this statement.**

_Starting from where the last left off. Even to this day I still have them._

**Sil: "I have to change my sheets every morning because of them."**

_I find that they help me get through life. I know this may sound queer, but for me the dreams sure help me out. I have shared this story with many other people and so far all has liked it. Now as you read this it is told from my perspective or first person view. _

**Ivory: We know what first person view is.**

You will find that it is very detailed since I remember it all very clearly to this day. The story takes place after OoT. Nothing after that ever happens.

**Tom: Well, at least Skyward Sword is still canon here.**

_No Majora's Mask. No LttP, or even Oracle of Ages and Seasons. And there is no love relation between Link and Zelda, Link and Ruto, Link and Malon or Link and Saria._

**Sil: So in other words: ignore all Zelda canon and theories.**

**Ivory: The author knows the real truth!**

_Because of my feelings about Link, the person that he gets involved with in this story is myself or actually is my persona. A persona is for those of you who need to know, a representation of ones personality, or in dictionary terms is, (Persona) n. In biology, same as person_

**Tom: Please don't patronize us.**

_So for all you future readers, this story is based on Jenna, a char that is a representation of my personality. _

**Sil: I'm sure Jenna will be a name we'll grow to hate.**

_But if you think this might be too queer then you shouldn't read this._

**Ivory: I find this story odd. Can I leave?**

**Sil: Oh no you don't. You're not leaving me here like this.**

_THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF STORY FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DISLIKE, OR CANNOT HANDLE SUCH MATERAL AS THE CONTEXT OF THIS STORY._

**Ivory: Mind telling us what the context is?**

_But if you seriously believe you can handle the content of this story, then read on. If your squeamish about sex, then you should not read this, since this story is a REAL LEMON_

**Tom: 5% real lemon.**

_and there is a lot of that, heavily detailed. (Between Link and I that is)_

**Sil: We just brush over Link and Gannondorf, though.**

_Especially during the bonding ceremony._

**Tom: There's a bonding ceremony? We're in trouble.**

_There is also some blood content and strong adult language. So if that's too much then you should turn back now. _

**Ivory: Any reason to turn back would be great.**

**Sil: Good thing I'm making you stay here, though.**

Now I have not finished it as of yet. I have to catch up, since the last dream I had was just after Link and I had the blessing ceremony for our twins.(Our 3rd and 4th kids) Right now there is about 100-150 pgs worth.

**Tom: Guys, I'm scared.**

_I'm expecting it to reach at least 300-350 probably even more._

**Tom: I'm really scared.**

_I will try to up date as often as possible. I hope that some of you like this. I do not mind sharing it. But please understand that this is very PRECIOUS to me, as well as Link._

**Sil: "Link tells me many things."**

_So like I said, if the content of this story sounds, too queer to you, TURN BACK NOW!_

**Ivory: Now you're just teasing me.**

_But to all who wish to continue, happy reading. Thanks,  
~*~ Link's Queen ~*~ _

**Tom: Well, now I guess we can start the story.**

**Sil: I wouldn't say that.**

Rated R for strong adult language, sex, violence and blood content.

**Ivory: You already said-**_  
AGAIN AS A FINAL WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS HEAVY SEX, ABULT LANGUAGE AND TALKS ABOUT MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH LINK. THIS STORY IS BASED ON DREAMS, DREAMS ABOUT MY LIFE WITH HIM. IF YOU FIND THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY TO BE OFFENSEVE, QUEER, OR PLAIN OUT OFF THE WALL, THEN DO NOT READ ON! _

**Sil: Well, someone made her mad.**

_I HAVE GOTTEN WAY TO MANY FLAMES ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY WHEN I HAVE PLACED SEVERAL WARNINGS!_

**Ivory: Well, they may not be about the adult language, sex, violence, or blood content.**

_I WILL NOT ACCECPT ANY MORE FLAMES, RAMBLINGS, CUSSING OR EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT ABOUT THE CHAR JENNA, OR REVIEWS ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY, EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT, VICIOUS ATTACKS AGAINST MY PERSONALITY, OR NON-MATURE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM!_

**Tom: Constructive criticism isn't mature. I'll keep that in mind.**

_ANY REVIEWS SUBMITTED THAT DO NOT FOLLOW THE ABOUVE GUIDLINES, WILL BE DELETED IMMEDIATELY!_

**Sil: This sounds like censorship.**

**Ivory: Well, at lest this isn't a review.**

_THESE WARNINGS ARE NOT THERE TO LOOK PRETTY, THE AUTHORS PLACE WARNINGS FOR A REASON!_

**Tom: "And the reason is to look pretty!"**

_IT IS TO TELL YOU WHAT THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS SO THAT IF THE READER FINDS THE CONTENT OF THE STORY OFFENSIVE, THEY WILL NOT READ ON!_

**Ivory: It's bad enough that I have to read this without telling me I don't have to.**

**Sil: That made no sense.**

_MANY AUTHORS HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT UNWANTED, EXCESSIVE, VIOLENT AND JUST PLAIN NASTY REVIEWS THAT HAVE BEEN SUBMITTED BY READERS ABOUT THEIR STORIES, CAUSING FANFICTION TO GRANT AUTHORS THE ABILITY TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS AND BLOCK CERTAIN READERS!_

**Tom: Thank you for explaining how the delete and block buttons work.**

_I WILL SAY THIS FOR MYSELF AND FOR ALL AUTHORS ON FANFICTION. NO AUTHOR TWISTS YOUR ARM OR HOLDS YOU AT GUN POINT OR FORCES YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO READ THEIR STORIES!_

**Ivory: This is true. It's either an R.O.B. or a guy in a suit.**

_ALL READERS HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO READ A CERTAIN STORY! IT IS YOUR RESOPONSIBILITY TO READ THE WARNINGS AND DECIDE FOR YOUSELF IF THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, AND TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO READ ON OR NOT! AND IT ALSO IS THE READERS RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ON HOW THEY HANDLE THENSELVES WHEN LEAVING A REVIEW FOR AN AUTHOR!_

**Sil: "By not typing with the Caps Lock on."**

_LEAVING A REVIEW THAT IS VIOLENT IN NATURE ONLY MAKES YOU THE READER LOOK BAD, AND IS VERY IMMATURE. IF ALL US HERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, WELL THEN, LETS CONDUCTIVE OURSELVES LIKE ADULTS AND NOT LIKE LITTLE KIDS! _

**Tom: Plug yourself into the AC like your age, not your shoe size.**

_I ONLY EXPECT THE VIOLENT LASHING OUT AND VICIOUS ATTACKS TO COME FROM TEENANGERS, NOT ADULTS!_

**Ivory: Are you calling yourself a teenager?**

_IF YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE ADULTS THAT ARE CONDUCTING YOURSELVES IN THE MANORS I DECRIBED ABOVE, YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE SCARING ME! _

**Sil: You're not the only one scared.**

IT'S A DAMN SHAME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE ADULTS OUT THERE WHO CANNOT CONDUCTIVE THEMSELVES IN THE SIMPLEST MANORS THEIR PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT THEM!

**Tom: Like putting the cable on the correct terminals.**

_ALSO LEAVING MALICIOUS REVIEWS IS ALSO A SIGN OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM. IF ALL YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW DO IS ATTACK SOMEONE VICIOUSLY, IT'S A SIGN OF SELFISHNESS AND NO RESPECT FOR ONES-SELF!_

**Ivory: Tell me more about attacking people.**

_I SUGGEST TO ALL READERS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MALICIOUS REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE GET A HOBBY AND LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER, BECAUSE YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF, NOT ME! ALSO LEAVING A NASTY REVIEW ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID, NOT ME!_

**Sil: I'm not so sure about that.**

I FIND IT VERY RIDICULOUS THAT I HAD TO LEAVE A WARNING THIS LONG, BUT IT IS BECAUSE OF THE VERY IMMATURE READERS THAT HAVE SUBMITTED NASTY CHILDISH REVIEWS!

AGAIN, PLEASE READ THE ABOVE CONTEXT BEFORE READING ON!

**Tom: Now, can we please start the story?**

**Sil: No. There's still more.**

**Tom:Why?**

Furthermore, I have realized that this story needs some heavy grammar corrections, and that the plot needs some work. Also under the advisement of my friend who had just recently completed two literature classes, has stated the reasons why people had classified Jenna as a "Mary Sue" char and labeled her as "flat".

**Ivory: These are the only problems, I assume.**

_She has come to the conclusion that most people do not know or understand Jenna's history, so she has advised me to create an origin story to explain about her history before she met Link. That way she will become more rounded and give people a reason to care about her._

**Sil: (Sarcastically) She seems interesting enough to care about.**

_It was never in my intentions to create Jenna as a "Mary Sue" char or to make her conceited, because I'm not really like that._

**Tom: I'm pretty sure you said that at least twice now.**

_Jenna is a persona char, one that resembles my personality while this story is being told from her perspective. This story is not something that I pulled out of my head like my drawings, it came from my dreams._

**Ivory: I know you said those things at least twice.**

_So I understand that revising this story is going to be hard work and will take time. Since this story is being told in the exact, or close to exact order it happened in the dreams, changing how fast Link and Jenna marry isn't going to be easy._

**Sil: "Because I don't know how the Backspace works."**

_Even changing how fast they have sex and revising the Lemon parts also won't be so easy to do. But I'm currently in the process of revising this story, also I have received a college grammar book from my friend and I will be investing in a Beta-Reader. _

**Tom: From how I understand it, you may need an Alpha-Reader too.**

**Ivory: And a rolling release package manager.**

_I'm also considering taking to literature classes at JC to help boost my writing skills. But now I say this, if you people, the reviewers really have the intentions to help me, them please do it positively and like a mature adult. I'm telling you that it is a proven fact that negative motivation NEVER motivates someone to change._

**Sil: That's why the word change is in it.**

_It never has and it never will. I'm pretty sure your parents have taught you that people only respond to positive motivation and not negative. _

**Tom: Want someone to stop robbing banks? Give him a cookie.**

I'm not close-minded, I NEVER have been. I have always been open to other people's thoughts and opinions, its when its done in an inappropriate manner that I turn my nose at it and look away.

**Ivory: Not conceited at all.**

_People have to understand that when you're an adult, you need to conduct yourself like one and learn how to address other people like one._

**Tom: Ms. Adult, this is terrible.**

_You cannot just act childish when you come across something that you DO NOT approve of, you're only making yourself look bad and that can affect you later on in life._

**Sil: That's right. Don't make long rants when you find something you don't approve of.**

_Acting childish and ranting and raving is something I'd expect a little kid would do when he doesn't get his way._

**Ivory: Tell me more about ranting and raving.**

_When an adult acts childish over stupid things, that's looked down upon, and considered to be unhealthy._

**Tom: "You can get diabetes from acting childish!"**

_I have seen far too many reviews left for me where the reviewers are just ranting and raving like little kids over this story because they do not like it._

**Ivory: You seem to know a lot about ranting and raving.**

_It is only making them look stupid and is very unhealthy. I fear that these people have some serious emotional problems if they get that upset over a story._

**Sil: Is that your excuse?**

_People in control of their emotions and have also obtained some sort of common sense, NEVER let little things get them all riled up. _

**Tom: Tell me more about letting little things getting people all riled up.**

_It is very sad when one that is supposed to be an adult, cannot handle them like one. I was NEVER angry with the reviewers not liking the story, it's how they handled themselves when leaving me the reviews. Getting riled up, ranting and raving, screaming and spitting nails over this story is what has caused me to get upset, not the fact that they didn't like it._

**Ivory: So people getting upset led to you getting upset which led to you telling people not to be upset? How's that working for you?**_Also as a side note, I NEVER physically hurt ANYONE with this story. I got one reviewer that said. "Oh God please stop writing, your hurting everyone." Now I want to know where I physically touched that person._

**Sil: (Pointing to Ivory) Here, and here, and here.**

_I want to know how I'm twisting anyone's arms to read this. I have never done anything of the sort in any way, shape or form and I DO NOT appreciate being accused of that! If you're emotionally hurt over this, its your fault not mine. I'm sorry if it did, but I have placed several warnings describing the content of this story and if you know what it contains and you do not like this type of material, then why are you reading it?_

**Tom: Have you considered that the readers normally like or don't mind these things if written well, and you didn't write them well?**

_I do not appreciate getting accused for other people's actions._

**Ivory: That's right, Rob. We're still blaming you.**

_It is your choice as the reader to read the content of this story and it is not my fault if it upsets you when you knew from the gecko what it contained. So please DO NOT flame me about it._

**Sil: Okay, we'll just post commentary over it.**_  
__I also feel like a schoolteacher teaching a bunch of little kids. And I find that this really wasn't necessary and shouldn't have had to come to this, but it is very hard when your reviewers have forgotten how to conduct themselves like adults._

**Tom: But being a kid is much more fun.**_If you honestly think that being malicious is a good thing and that you're not wrong in doing so, well then your blinded by your own selfish pride._

**Ivory: (Singing) And he was blinded by the pride.**

_People with common sense learn how to take responsibility for themselves and are able to admit when their wrong._

**Sil: You don't say? Tell me more about responsibility for yourself.**

_I have found that many of the reviewers that have left me malicious reviews honestly believe that its appropriate behavior for an adult. When it really is that they are too self-absorbed in themselves to admit their wrong. Again that results from selfish pride._

**Tom: Tell me more about-**

**Ivory: I think the joke is dead now.**

_One to scared to admit in front of others that they just might be wrong. Also, how can any of you hold any right to call Jenna conceited when in reality, your contradicting yourself by being conceited as well?_

**Sil: So having your own opinion is conceited. Got it.**

_Being conceited is again selfish pride and being self-absorbed. And yes, it is and always will be a fact that most of the reviewers have been conceited and very contradictive. Please DO NOT leave me a review that only contradicts what you are trying to preach. You should in reality, take your own advice. _

**Tom: Can I do it?**

**Ivory: Sure.**

**Tom: Tell me more about taking your own advice.**_Again I find it very ridiculous that this had to be as long as it is,_

**Sil: Don't worry. We do too.**

_but it is due to the fact that people not conducting themselves appropriately. Also if I do receive any more malicious reviews, with screaming, spitting nails or ranting and raving over this story because you do not like it then are to self-absorbed to admit that acting like that is wrong, well then you have proven my point! All of this is very self-explanatory! _

**Ivory: Then why did you explain it?**_  
__  
__Now PLEASE DO NOT READ ON if you DO NOT plan on leaving me a review appropriately! _

**Tom: Finally! Now we can start!**

**Ivory: The appetizer is down. Now it's time for the main course.**

**Sil: I hope the dessert is worth it.**


End file.
